From Surviving to Thriving
Today is the morning of our thirtieth wedding anniversary. The day started with unexpected complications, like so many of the 10,950 days of marriage John and I have already shared. When I look back on those thirty years I am keenly aware that they could have gone so many different ways.
We did not start our marriage off on a strong foundation. We did share the most important foundation, a shared love for God and commitment to our walk with Christ. But our understanding of marriage and the tools to navigate the world of being newlyweds was sorely lacking. Our non-existent premarital counseling consisted of the assurance that we would have a great marriage because my husband was a pastor, we both attended a Christian College and Christ was in the center of our marriage. We were handed two books. Now I don’t want to underestimate the importance of building your marriage (and every other relationship) on the solid foundation of Christ, that is a great start. But if that were enough then the rate of divorce in among Christians would not match (some statistics indicate exceed), the rate of divorce among those that do not claim faith in Christ. The truth is, marriage is tough. We have often said that it is not the marriage that causes the struggle, it is the collision that happens when the two become one.
Our journey has included 4 children, 2 sons-in-law, 4 grandchildren (so far), three states, 7 career changes (4 for me, 3 for John), pastoral roles in 5 different churches, 8 homes, hospitalizations, surgery, countless battles and innumerable victories. To say that the journey has been easy would be a lie; to say that it has been worth the struggle would be an understatement. What makes some marriages flourish and others wither? Why do some couples exchange their “I do” for an “I can’t anymore”? What are the secrets of a happy and long lasting marriage? In truth there are no shortcuts, and I am sure that some of it involves hard work, determination, and a stubborn refusal to quit. There are some skills that you can develop to strengthen the foundation of your marriage, and if the foundation is strong, winds and storms can blow but you can remain standing.
I like people. I like to talk to them, I like to listen to them, I like to ask questions, I like to hear their stories. As our relationships mature and grow, sometimes we stop talking, listening, asking questions, hearing one another’s stories. As we journey together over the next several months, I encourage you to grow and explore relationships again. Listen to the people around you. Ask questions of other couples. Hear their stories. Learn to like your spouse again. The principles we discuss will be great for newlyweds just beginning their journey together, but they are equally great for couples that have been married 10, 20, 30, or 40 years that are ready to re-explore their relationship and thrive in their marriage. If you are tired of surviving and have even just a glimmer of hope that you can thrive, come along on this journey with us. We can’t wait for you to find refreshing in your marriage.
